Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Darling




When you're the star in the sky.
When the night twinkles bright.
When you look up and can see that
The stars have amazingly aligned.
Those are the clearest nights.

And down here in my world,
Where everything moves as fast as it should
When you're going places you've told yourself you'd go.
And psyched yourself out to follow this flow.

Because in my night
I'm part of a world
That takes over your soul
And lets you dance until the early morning comes hither
And shine your star's shine
And we can forget our worries together.

But then there's those nights
that's quieter than all the others
and you looked up at the skies
and changes came over.

And you felt it all over
Could feel if all over
And choices and dreams rolled over

Sunday, November 16, 2008


I hardly ever get Sundays off. So that in itself was a blessing. I wasted a sunny San Francisco day laying in bed until 2:30 in the afternoon and enjoyed it. I went through every page of the Victoria's Secret Holiday 2008 catalog and window shopped the
Anthropologie Fall 2008 catalog that had been dismissed by me since July.... or was it August? I ignored texts and had missed calls while layed on top of sheets, comforters, a quilt, and a red worn woven blanket my grandma had hand made before I was even born with my Daddy's name needle and threaded into the center. When I finally lifted myself out of bliss, I threw on a purple halter patterned dress with a purple patent belt, a long brown hooded cardigan that I used to hate three years ago, did one brush run through on my hair, didn't put on makeup, and chose the first black flats in reach, a pair of worn Cinderella round toed ones that are losing wear on the top that black shoe polish wont work and I had gotten on sale at Cathy Jean in Newport Beach's Fashion Island, and grabbed the soft leather Limited handbag packed full of what my guy friends say as "rocks". I left to hang out at Linda's store eating popcorn chicken and glurbing down milk teas. I hung around until the Niner game had ended knowing that my exit would be blocked in the meantime and I would have to take the side roads back home, which I prefer anyhow. I sat patiently against traffic on 3rd Street maneuvering my car through side roads and hills, away from the Niner faithfuls who were getting restless to flee the area, and into my neighborhood. I pulled up into my driveway, sat there listening to KMEL, backed out of the driveway, turned left then another left, to the Church of the Visitation. 
Mass was more than halfway done. The parking lot wasn't full on the connected school playground and the street lights were dimmed. I got out and walked to the back of the church, passing by the side and hearing the choir sing another Hallelujah verse. The stained glass windows and the dance of the lit flames of the electronic candles, which you can light with the honorable donation of one dollar, made me feel like Esmeralda and a yearn to go into the House of God silently escalated. The unwashed bulletproof doors to the lobby I pulled open and then the familiar heavy church doors I braced. I haven't entered mass in a very long time. I slipped through the back, cordially waiting for the priest to finish his sermon before I had seated myself. To my left, a Knights of Columbus old man in the uniformed green jacket with the bearings on the back, looked over his shoulder to me. I nodded to him in response as a hello and bowed my head to show respect. He had smiled and looked back ahead to the priest. I can go ahead and seat myself and no need to get up is what it had meant, and he had acknowledged me for doing so. I dipped the tips of my fingers to the marble holdings of the cold Holy Water. How does it stay so cold? Bow head, sign of the cross. I crept forward silently, picked up a missilette on the back folded table, went towards the back pews, genuflect, and took a side aisle seat. Then I listened to Father. 


Tuesday, November 11, 2008


I just finished the KMEL blast for the event coming up on Saturday. Gregory Maguire's newest bestseller, A Lion Among Men, is tossed on my four post bed with the plastic booklight firmly attatched to the binding of the hardback. Albums for review by hustlers scatter the bedding and my plush woven carpet from Indonesia. Subconsciously having Jasmine in mind, I had swiped out my credit card, the one I had promised myself five years ago is for emergencies only, but now has an overwhelming balance, and had bought myself my own magic carpet ride. Now I even have the tiger to go with it, my Persian kitty Rahjah. Nose high up in the air and not availing herself to my attention when I call her, she looks like a cat goddess from Egypt's ancient day; snoot and all. My personal diary lays open on a blank page, waiting for the familiar Tiffany's pen to massage quail ink with words formatted with calligraphy. A practice long forgotten and a talent passed on by my family, Auntie Cynthia and Auntie Stella had coached me the stroke of a pen. Novels and encyclopedias and magazines and newspapers enriched my memory and cursive, perfected over page by page of words put together a dance on paper. I indulged myself in books and fashion and music and the liberal arts and later on, business. It shows on me. I believe how you present yourself to the world is your being and your being will help you accomplish so much more than whatever you told yourself you'd be. 
This morning, I had gone into SF Weekly to edit out more archives. It amazes me how many stories come pouring in from one night in San Francisco and how many freelance journalists are fighting for a cut and recognition for what they believe is news. Event coverage runs through the pages, I scan blurs of what the editors are looking for to feed the city of San Francisco. Veering towards one thing then another. Village Voice Media runs an account and veers another way on me and suddenly my sleepy morning in the fall of San Francisco turns into a wildfire of journalists, editors, coffeegrubbers, and know it all gurus cussing underneath their breathe and breathing fire down whoever dares to disagree with them. I'm the youngest family journalist to the branch, and they call me their baby. "Baby, do this for me." "Baby, did you see that story?" "Baby, look at this and tell me what you think of this write-up." After, I went home, grabbed my textbooks and laptop and headed to my other job. I socialized with businessmen who had just gotten off planes from New York, Washington DC, Tennessee, Texas, and pilots flying in from Hawaii, Chicago, Maine, and Georgia. I ordered drinks for guests with thick accents from Little Rock, Arkansas and watched the 49ers lose a great Monday Night Football game to Arizona while I bloomed social butterfly with local guests from Bakersfield who were in for a convention at the property. Surrounded a good amount of my day by the upper middle class and that other 6%, I greet and hear their stories and views and takes on how they had gotten what they were after. And I take it in. Instead of creating blame and hate, I listen. And learn. Always keep on learning. Today, some jeweler retailer from New Mexico told me he was in the Peninsula because he was buying out a chain of jewelry stores in the Bay Area that were going to close. A guest that stays at my property for at least 75 nights a year, when given his outstanding bill for the round of drinks at the bar, had replied to me, "It's just money."  
Then I went away from perfect Burlingame, back to San Francisco, and home my hood, the Visitacion Valley. I got on worker mode and started producing things for Distortion 2 Static and ended with the write up blast for KMEL while putting in a random album, transferring files to others, replying back to emails, texts and phone calls and making myself a cup of coffee while keeping myself sane chitchatting with friends on AIM. The day wont be over until I'm satisfied with my what I've progressed throughout it.
When I was 6 I wanted to be an actress and a princess. When I was 12 I wanted to be a newscaster. When I was 15 I wanted to my own library. When I was 16 I knew I was good at fashion and stayed in it for 7 years. When I turned 18 I knew I was headed into the business industry. When I was 22 I became a hustler. Now, I'm 24, and I've done everything I had told myself I was going to be and do when I was 6, 12, 15, 16, 18, and 22. 
I had had a cup of coffee with Lori today and Lori just shook her head and said, "I dont know how you do it." If someone could have given me everything I had ever wanted on a silver platter I think I would have replied that  I wouldn't want everything I'm after to tarnish. It's true when they say it means more when you work for it. Can't Stop. Won't Stop. I'll see you all at the top.

-Jacqueline

Monday, October 20, 2008

I live here. I walk underneath these posts and through the rolling San Francisco fog everyday. I breathe the bay breeze and let it hold my hair until it passes me. This city is my blood. I'm a bred San Franciscan. A city girl with dreams so big and detailed, I'm going to shatter that glass ceiling one day. Watch.
It's just turned fall here and I can tell the season's changing. My eyes catch for warm pea coats in the windows of Union Street and Hayes Valley and my head stays down to the whip of the wind pushing me. I'm automated to stop at every shoe store window searching for the perfect boots. My lady's skin dries and I buy the best oils I find to help keep it moisturized
Falls coming. A play off of words, I'm trying to not falter. Friendships are tested when they shouldn't be at all. The "should haves" come out of mouths that I wish knew better than to tell me what to do. Sometimes, it feels as though people need someone to dislike because they ran out of other people to talk about. Or maybe its a subconscious cop-out taken on on someone else. Or maybe its just an excuse to argue and to knit pick at someone else. I choose the side way. Where I let people be and stop telling them the should have because I would do that and so would anyone else just ask talk. Instead, I tell them once, and see if they listen. I'd like for other people to stop telling me how to live my life, and oh I don't know? Maybe? Concentrate on the faults on theirs? 
It's a delicate life I choose to live. A life where you find your real friends and search for more, and maybe the ones you thought were your real friends..... well, you have to question. I'm 24 and have so much to learn. I know I don't have anything figured out. I know to humble myself and continue to be gracious and kind. To mind my manners and mind my own business. Concentration, concentrate.  I have a way to go.

Monday, June 30, 2008




I dont have anything to say. I get like this when they disappoint me. They do this every season and make stupid trades and moves. No one talk to me. Everyone stop texting me and leaving me voicemails and calling me if I've heard. Stop it. Im so mad. 

Monday, June 16, 2008

Melite




She said to me, "ka may ang daigdig unahan ng ka. ako makita paano ka ay tapos, velasang ko. mo pagayan hanapbuhay maibigan at matigas panguluhan mo. mo a tunay maganda batang babae. dont maari takot sa gumamit ay sinusulat maganda." It means, "you have the world ahead of you. I see how you are already, my dearest. You're so business like and hard headed. Youre a very beautiful girl. Dont be afraid to use being beautiful." 
A wonderous woman has just entered my life. Before I met her, I used to have my coworkers mentioning her asking me if I've met her yet. The first day I met her the thing that caught my eye was her Louis Vuitton purse. Then the second day I met her it was her Ferragamo sunglasses and 2 ply cashmere scarf from Greece when she was checking in. I've worked with her many times after that and when I've worked with her she had answered any questions I've had and short conversations were given while she walked past the office. There was something mysterious about her that I loved. And maybe its because I love mysterious women and that I tend to follow that trend, I let the relationship be. I never pried into her life that everyone hinted about and treated her as a regular coworker of mine. We did our office work and did the polite business talks. From this, I believe she was amused and went on with it as well while we were laughing openly with our other coworkers. Two weeks ago they put me closely training with her. And slowly, I got to know this amazing woman. And today, I was lucky enough to sip a cup of coffee with her at the concierge while she let me into her life. 
Im going to pass the sad hardship story because everyone has one, and my purpose is to not make this entry a drama episode where the heroine tries to find her way in life, falls in love, goes through a tragedy, then lives a realistic happily ever after in the end. Or something along those four main scenes. She has a house in Palo Alto right behind the Stanford shopping center. She showed me her house online and its worth $1,800,000. It has a tennis court, encloses 3 stories, a dog, and looks something along the lines of a brick castle. Now, I know a lot of people with nice houses and nice cars and nice things. But never has a single woman with two teenage boys attending St Francis who works for fun and just to stay busy has 2 care homes (one in Arizona and one in Hillsborough) who can teach me stocks and flips and how to save and has an awesome fashion sense and is a golden donor to the Samaritan House of San Mateo sit me down and tell me that she sees something in me. 
What a wonderful feeling to hear this person who has just amazed you with her life amenities tell you with confidence that you are going to do great things. I heard the finish school. Work hard. Then she smiled and told me how she sees how I am and how that was her at my age. How I'm destined for great things if I keep at it and to not listen to advice that will just confuse me and tug me on different paths. She told me that being a lady is not a disadvantage because if you use it right it becomes an advantage. She told me to use my beauty to get what I target and use your head. Because your beauty will flow from your head. We talked about books and politics and handbags and stocks and real estate. She told me about the property and how to handle different guests. We went online shopping on ELuxury.com and gushed over new designer bags and I helped her assist the concierge on the 11th floor. 
I wondered why I was so amazed by this woman when I have successful group that is headed in her direction. Then I came to the conclusion that all this time that I want to be like her. I want that. Everything she has, that has been my aim. And she's achieved everything that I'm after. And I'm flabberghasted how she told me I remind her of myself at my age. "Ako was makataungun maibigan ka." "I was just like you." I'm watching her closely. Every advice she gives me I'm going to do. I believe every person you meet comes into your life for a reason. Let's just say I know Melite's purpose. I just landed a new role model. 






Thursday, June 5, 2008




     Yesterday I woke up to non stop Flamingo ring tones and shooting star sound text messages playing in my ear. I picked up the phone to 5 new voice mails and 7 missed calls and 4 new text messages. The electronic generic music would last through out the day as friends and family wished me happy birthday. It feels like its always someones birthday every week. And when you wish them Happy birthday and how does it feel to be ____, or are you excited, the answer always stays as "ya I'm OK" or "not really" or I feel the same. Jimson said if you feel like its always someones birthday every week then that means you have too many friends. I run with a popstars and rockstars, what can I say? 
I started my day out as promised at Bally's to do a cardio workout. Now, the thing with me and working out is it helps me straighten out my mind. Theres something about burning, toning, and heating up that keeps me sane. My new Sony headphones blasted N.E.R.D in my ear as I finished course 6 on the elliptical and ran the shit out of the treadmill. The Ballys guys all wished me happy birthday and tried to me give me that protein powder stuff that they take, but I conned them into giving me a pack of Luna bars instead. I laid myself down in the sauna after a dip in the jacuzzi to ease myself, closed my eyes, and went through the 24 years of my crazy life and what I've accomplished. 
And what I have left to accomplish.
My accomplishment list is big but so is my to do list as well. Trust. I'm sure you already get the gist that I embrace a life that leads me into something bigger. Dream big. Aim big. Do you. Go after it. Make mistakes then get up and when a friend makes a mistake, you help them up. If you want to be successful then surround yourself with successful people.
I went home and worked on the show for a while. I had a great talk with Ariel that nighbefore on what he sees in me and my ideas for marketing and my work ethic. We had talked about everything that night. Boys, girls, friends, the show, music, being on another level, health, and where this exhilarating ride called life is leading us. It just made me want to work harder on everything I do. Distortion 2 Static has become my life. A dope set of friends so passionate about music and entailing it in their own different way, we all contribute to the greater cause of hip hop. I am blessed to belong to a group of mind like individuals. Everything we stand for, I'm all for it. I must be doing something right. They could have taken anyone on as part of their family. But they took me. And that's a wonderful feeling. 
Jimson and Mike took me to Pacific Catch for lunch. They passed me my birthday blunt and we drove through the city and into the Sunset. On the corner of 9th and Lincoln, most people know of it as the old Cannabis place. We used to hang out at Cannabis when there were open mics and my old Spintronix DJs roommates and the girls would sip on coffee, tea, and alcohol, depending on our mood as we scrounged for couch seats and listened to artists spit their game of art, lyrics, and music on the mic. Now turned into a restaurant, the place still looks the same but brighter. The menu leads on a Hawaiian, Japanese, and Mexican style of food specializing in seafood. Phone calls still ringing, I said my thanks yous and told them whats going on for Saturday. I accepted compliments uneasily as I wished to get off the phone. One thing about me, I hate repeated compliments or when someone patronizes you. Imagine a whole day of that! That was me yesterday. After, we went to Clear Channel where Jimson had to pick up tickets at the station. He handed me a white envelope with 2 Kanye tickets in section 113. I laughed and said thank you, then frowned and said I couldn't take it. I have work until 11 that night. 
Now, in order for me to be where I want to be, I need to make sacrifices. This is so hard. Ever since I've started this corporate job, I haven't had time to hang out with my bests, my family, I'm not always up to date on whats going on, and no- I can't use advantage of my comp if there's an event going on. Now I understand why people go for drinks right after work. I don't think I will ever get a chill day at work ever in my life anymore. But if I want to stay at the top, I have to pay my dues. And yes, I am at the top. My time management is very stiff right now, and I'm not as flexible as I used to be. I hope my friends and family understand that. Right now, my mind is all on me. Whats best for me and what I need to do. So I hope they understand if I don't have the most time for them as I used to and all I want to do is have a cup of coffee at Starbucks or stay at home once in awhile or just hang out at a bar instead of doing such and such. My mind's on work and school. I see where this job can take me and what I can learn from it. It's going to help me in the entertainment industry too and I'll be able to handle and have input in my preferred job through training and learning from the corporate one.
I went back home and got ready for my third date of the day with my close family and friends at Bucca de Beppo, another hangout of ours. We took a corner room of 15ish of us while we had family style portions of everything Italian. We ordered a bottle of house wine all around and filled our glasses to the top. Or shall I say Tamara filled our glasses to the top. As you can see, I share a lot of dinner parties with my friends and family. Again, we toasted to my birthday round after round of red wine from Italy. Louder and louder my party grew as finally we became the last ones in the restaurant. Again. 2 hours filled of laughs and girlfriends trying to get their thoughts across before someone else interrupted
Date 4: Skylark. Four cars filled with girls who've had a stressful week and needed to drink... well actually, take shots, we did more rounds until we caught ourselves before we started slurring over our words. We met more friends there and more drinks were passed around. More birthday drinks were offered until I felt like running away and outside where I'd be safe from that smell of alcohol. We ended up half of us outside and half inside, trading places and entertaining friends, being socialites on Mission and Valencia.
So this is how it feels to be 24. I do feel older. I feel like I've done so much already, why stop now? It's going to be a great year for me. You have no idea what I have in store.......