I dont have anything to say. I get like this when they disappoint me. They do this every season and make stupid trades and moves. No one talk to me. Everyone stop texting me and leaving me voicemails and calling me if I've heard. Stop it. Im so mad.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Melite
A wonderous woman has just entered my life. Before I met her, I used to have my coworkers mentioning her asking me if I've met her yet. The first day I met her the thing that caught my eye was her Louis Vuitton purse. Then the second day I met her it was her Ferragamo sunglasses and 2 ply cashmere scarf from Greece when she was checking in. I've worked with her many times after that and when I've worked with her she had answered any questions I've had and short conversations were given while she walked past the office. There was something mysterious about her that I loved. And maybe its because I love mysterious women and that I tend to follow that trend, I let the relationship be. I never pried into her life that everyone hinted about and treated her as a regular coworker of mine. We did our office work and did the polite business talks. From this, I believe she was amused and went on with it as well while we were laughing openly with our other coworkers. Two weeks ago they put me closely training with her. And slowly, I got to know this amazing woman. And today, I was lucky enough to sip a cup of coffee with her at the concierge while she let me into her life.
Im going to pass the sad hardship story because everyone has one, and my purpose is to not make this entry a drama episode where the heroine tries to find her way in life, falls in love, goes through a tragedy, then lives a realistic happily ever after in the end. Or something along those four main scenes. She has a house in Palo Alto right behind the Stanford shopping center. She showed me her house online and its worth $1,800,000. It has a tennis court, encloses 3 stories, a dog, and looks something along the lines of a brick castle. Now, I know a lot of people with nice houses and nice cars and nice things. But never has a single woman with two teenage boys attending St Francis who works for fun and just to stay busy has 2 care homes (one in Arizona and one in Hillsborough) who can teach me stocks and flips and how to save and has an awesome fashion sense and is a golden donor to the Samaritan House of San Mateo sit me down and tell me that she sees something in me.
What a wonderful feeling to hear this person who has just amazed you with her life amenities tell you with confidence that you are going to do great things. I heard the finish school. Work hard. Then she smiled and told me how she sees how I am and how that was her at my age. How I'm destined for great things if I keep at it and to not listen to advice that will just confuse me and tug me on different paths. She told me that being a lady is not a disadvantage because if you use it right it becomes an advantage. She told me to use my beauty to get what I target and use your head. Because your beauty will flow from your head. We talked about books and politics and handbags and stocks and real estate. She told me about the property and how to handle different guests. We went online shopping on ELuxury.com and gushed over new designer bags and I helped her assist the concierge on the 11th floor.
I wondered why I was so amazed by this woman when I have successful group that is headed in her direction. Then I came to the conclusion that all this time that I want to be like her. I want that. Everything she has, that has been my aim. And she's achieved everything that I'm after. And I'm flabberghasted how she told me I remind her of myself at my age. "Ako was makataungun maibigan ka." "I was just like you." I'm watching her closely. Every advice she gives me I'm going to do. I believe every person you meet comes into your life for a reason. Let's just say I know Melite's purpose. I just landed a new role model.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Yesterday I woke up to non stop Flamingo ring tones and shooting star sound text messages playing in my ear. I picked up the phone to 5 new voice mails and 7 missed calls and 4 new text messages. The electronic generic music would last through out the day as friends and family wished me happy birthday. It feels like its always someones birthday every week. And when you wish them Happy birthday and how does it feel to be ____, or are you excited, the answer always stays as "ya I'm OK" or "not really" or I feel the same. Jimson said if you feel like its always someones birthday every week then that means you have too many friends. I run with a popstars and rockstars, what can I say?
I started my day out as promised at Bally's to do a cardio workout. Now, the thing with me and working out is it helps me straighten out my mind. Theres something about burning, toning, and heating up that keeps me sane. My new Sony headphones blasted N.E.R.D in my ear as I finished course 6 on the elliptical and ran the shit out of the treadmill. The Ballys guys all wished me happy birthday and tried to me give me that protein powder stuff that they take, but I conned them into giving me a pack of Luna bars instead. I laid myself down in the sauna after a dip in the jacuzzi to ease myself, closed my eyes, and went through the 24 years of my crazy life and what I've accomplished.
And what I have left to accomplish.
My accomplishment list is big but so is my to do list as well. Trust. I'm sure you already get the gist that I embrace a life that leads me into something bigger. Dream big. Aim big. Do you. Go after it. Make mistakes then get up and when a friend makes a mistake, you help them up. If you want to be successful then surround yourself with successful people.
I went home and worked on the show for a while. I had a great talk with Ariel that night before on what he sees in me and my ideas for marketing and my work ethic. We had talked about everything that night. Boys, girls, friends, the show, music, being on another level, health, and where this exhilarating ride called life is leading us. It just made me want to work harder on everything I do. Distortion 2 Static has become my life. A dope set of friends so passionate about music and entailing it in their own different way, we all contribute to the greater cause of hip hop. I am blessed to belong to a group of mind like individuals. Everything we stand for, I'm all for it. I must be doing something right. They could have taken anyone on as part of their family. But they took me. And that's a wonderful feeling.
Jimson and Mike took me to Pacific Catch for lunch. They passed me my birthday blunt and we drove through the city and into the Sunset. On the corner of 9th and Lincoln, most people know of it as the old Cannabis place. We used to hang out at Cannabis when there were open mics and my old Spintronix DJs roommates and the girls would sip on coffee, tea, and alcohol, depending on our mood as we scrounged for couch seats and listened to artists spit their game of art, lyrics, and music on the mic. Now turned into a restaurant, the place still looks the same but brighter. The menu leads on a Hawaiian, Japanese, and Mexican style of food specializing in seafood. Phone calls still ringing, I said my thanks yous and told them whats going on for Saturday. I accepted compliments uneasily as I wished to get off the phone. One thing about me, I hate repeated compliments or when someone patronizes you. Imagine a whole day of that! That was me yesterday. After, we went to Clear Channel where Jimson had to pick up tickets at the station. He handed me a white envelope with 2 Kanye tickets in section 113. I laughed and said thank you, then frowned and said I couldn't take it. I have work until 11 that night.
Now, in order for me to be where I want to be, I need to make sacrifices. This is so hard. Ever since I've started this corporate job, I haven't had time to hang out with my bests, my family, I'm not always up to date on whats going on, and no- I can't use advantage of my comp if there's an event going on. Now I understand why people go for drinks right after work. I don't think I will ever get a chill day at work ever in my life anymore. But if I want to stay at the top, I have to pay my dues. And yes, I am at the top. My time management is very stiff right now, and I'm not as flexible as I used to be. I hope my friends and family understand that. Right now, my mind is all on me. Whats best for me and what I need to do. So I hope they understand if I don't have the most time for them as I used to and all I want to do is have a cup of coffee at Starbucks or stay at home once in awhile or just hang out at a bar instead of doing such and such. My mind's on work and school. I see where this job can take me and what I can learn from it. It's going to help me in the entertainment industry too and I'll be able to handle and have input in my preferred job through training and learning from the corporate one.
I went back home and got ready for my third date of the day with my close family and friends at Bucca de Beppo, another hangout of ours. We took a corner room of 15ish of us while we had family style portions of everything Italian. We ordered a bottle of house wine all around and filled our glasses to the top. Or shall I say Tamara filled our glasses to the top. As you can see, I share a lot of dinner parties with my friends and family. Again, we toasted to my birthday round after round of red wine from Italy. Louder and louder my party grew as finally we became the last ones in the restaurant. Again. 2 hours filled of laughs and girlfriends trying to get their thoughts across before someone else interrupted.
Date 4: Skylark. Four cars filled with girls who've had a stressful week and needed to drink... well actually, take shots, we did more rounds until we caught ourselves before we started slurring over our words. We met more friends there and more drinks were passed around. More birthday drinks were offered until I felt like running away and outside where I'd be safe from that smell of alcohol. We ended up half of us outside and half inside, trading places and entertaining friends, being socialites on Mission and Valencia.
So this is how it feels to be 24. I do feel older. I feel like I've done so much already, why stop now? It's going to be a great year for me. You have no idea what I have in store.......
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I'm eating half a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts. I was with Sheeva and Nicole yesterday night and we were sitting around in Sheeva's apartment in between Pacific and Laurel Heights. I parked myself across Locust Street and stepped to my right to pick up a Tall Soy Latte' at the corner Starbucks. I still dont have a laptop case so I carried my imac in my big red bag that looks like a hippie's sack. It's funny what comes out of a bag. The tissues, ba-on 'ed food, gum, compact mirrors, lipsticks, lipglosses, travel mascara, wallets, cash, cell phones, sunglasses, paper, pens, keys, digital camera, money for the bar, card just in case, listerine strips, Marlboro menthol lights, little purse, cardigan or some clothing, and random receipt paper we have in there? At that moment in time, my big red bag was carrying a pink scarf from Persia and a fitted blazer from MNG that I borrowed from Sheeva the night before. I also brought over a house gift of a 2001 wine bottle of Merlot that added to my load. Keys, cell phone, Wrigley gum, my mac laptop, a little bag of fries from KFC I was snacking on, my black leather H&M checkbook wallet, and random cash and cards everywhere but inside the wallet. Dont you hate it when your purse gets like that?
Sheeva, Nicole, and I sprawled ourselves out on the bed, iMacs out and heads perched down while we skimmed through emails, myspace, facebook, and looked up once in awhile to share something a friend had messaged. After, Sheeva had just come back from Europe the week before and she drove me into stories about Paris, Roma, Milan, Germany, and Belgium. She told me how she had met her friends from the Philippines there and how they had such a great time away together. Then Nicole had told me about her trip to Hawaii the weekend before. A getaway trip to relax because spring semester was done. Then it was my turn to tell them what the city has to offer them. Both being new to San Francisco, even more, the United States, I've become the city girl they go to to see where to relax and party.
You know, it's kind of great to have a whole set of different friends. Not the same crowd all the time, but I like being associated to one. I'm glad Sheeva's in San Francisco and she knows this is where she belongs. And I'm glad I've gotten to meet Nicole. Nicole is also my cousin Bianca's best friend in the Philippines, so family is family. I feel like I have another girlfriend to look out for now. But I've made closer friends as well.
We dished over guys and dilemmas and work and school. They told me how they miss the Philippines and usually I'm not one to say that to because I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to that country. But I understand. Its not easy living in a different country and having a different lifestyle. There's no ya-yas around or chauffer drivers or papparazzi following them here. And from this, they explained living here feels more like a vacation if anything. We all exchanged advice on boys, friends, and school. We argued when's the next time we should shop together and what we've been dying to do. Nicole talked about her sorority and her parties and Sheeva told us about the frisbee season that was starting soon and how nervous she was. I showed them the show and what I've been up too. We catalog shopped Urban Outfitters for Sheeva's trip to China for the frisbee tournament. We turned on Safari and found more dresses online. We gushed over the new designs and helped restrain one another from buying everything on the site. She decided on a black one and I got another flowy white piece to add to my collection. We hiccuped and took turns playing our music on our iTunes. So much music I've never heard of! But then again, that's what they said to me when I played mine. Before I left that night, Nicole had given me a box of Hawaiian Host chocolate covered macadamia nuts. She told me that she'd been listening to me tell them how I missed Hawaii and how I wanted to go back and visit our "apo" (its Nicole's apo now too bc shes part of the family) and how I wish I could travel again like them and need extra passport spaces provided because the booklet is full. But #1. I'm not a star in the Philippines like they are. (only here to a certain extent ;)) #2. I cant just leave whenever I want. I have too much going around and for me here. #3. I feel like my schedule has been booked 2 years in advance sometimes. and #4. I dont think I even know what a vacation is.
But I know I'm going to start traveling soon and see the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Pi architecture, the Rome coliseums, real gondolas, and the southern wine country of France one day. Those dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts are my favorite chocolates in the world. A small affection of friendship like a box of chocolates can make someone appreciate so much of one another. A bottle of red wine and family girl talk with cousins makes the feeling even better. I love these wind downs. And when I get them with my cousins, I take full advantage of my time with my anaks.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
It sparked a reminder to write this blog on the conflict diamonds of Sierra Leone and how theres so much to work on in this world. I watched the documentary with Aries, Erika, and Kristine Friday night while we made more buttons for the Distortion 2 Static booth in the Asian Heritage Festival. I used to be a journalism major at SFState and I remember learning how much the media had so much to expose us too. My professors would go over examples over examples of how one newscaster would try so much to get a story across, but as soon as the media had something better to catch the viewers eye, such as celebrity gossip and what American icon is screwing up and why, (the latter I feel is still important) the stories of the mass of the world goes down.
We've all heard of the conflict diamonds. Most recently held fame for one month or two by the movie Blood Diaminds and Kanye's effort in raising attention with his lyrically held controversial self, one month or two and the subject felt like it was a taboo. Was there no more information to gain from it? Did we feed into the media and get tired of the subject and leap to the opportunity to hear Perez Hilton instead of our true news reporters? Or did we just forget?
I'm guilty of the third.
Flat out. I'm a busy girl. Period.
I have work. full time. I have class. full time. I'm in an Industry. holding 2 positions in it. I have a huge family and they are my All the Time. I have a dope set of friends. (i dont consider the latter 3 a job, just the first 2) Basically, I'm on my shit. On a grind and a state of mind not a lot of people can stay hustlin with. I surround myself with people who are like me to keep me sane. Im focused. And in this case, here's the negative side.
I'm so focused sometimes that I forget about the bigger picture and my bigger community. And by bigger community I mean the rest of the world. Is it a rude awakening if I say to you so much is happening and we don't pay attention? Because if it's rude or not, I just said it. Im trying to get through to us, that's all. In all our fighting for that six figure job, that new handbag, are you going to this and that, that new ride, and who's winning the playoffs (and trust. I'm one of your biggest NBA fans so I cringed when I typed that in)- thats how hard I'm being on myself, we need to do the three finger snap snap snap and wake up.
I'm always talking about giving my time to charities, and building one in the future which WILL happen, I promise you. But in the meantime, how about me and you be more with it and pay attention to the world. Because poor conditions in sweatshops, workers who bend in the sun to find a gem for you, and children with abnormal conditions because of starvation is so not cool. Peace out. For real.
and the one article that irks me most:
Thursday, May 15, 2008
It felt warmsome as Jimson, Linda, Aries, and I walked to King Street and towards the ball park. Hellos started our way and hi's followed as we made our way through the crowd. We must have stopped every 5 feet to greet another friend, someone we havent seen in awhile, or in Jimson and Aries' case, a fan. We shook numerous hands, met new people as friends of friends, and promised get togethers left and right to friends weve lost in touch with when we bumped into them. How are you's echoed through our speeches as we walked tried to walk through the orange and black crowd to get our tshirts on the third level and cell phones rang of where are yous began to more friends already in the stadium. And it was only the 3rd inning.
Thats the thing about San Francisco. It's a big but small city. Everyone knows each other. And if an event goes down, the community comes through. We were celebrating Filipino Heritage Day while the Giants entertained us against a game with the Houston Astros. I'm very blessed to be part of a society who is culturally aware of our differences and prides itself in representing it. I am blessed to be part of a city where one can be open with another about ones culture and the recipient yearns to learn more about it. It is an HONOR to belong to somewhere where we are not culturally divided and we respect each others differences and prides oneself it in. I'm one of the lucky ones to have friends so diverse as they are and so involved in the city and so much driven as well. I represent a mass people, who live different lives, intertwine them with others, and stand culturally aware without the prejudices you'd see elsewhere. It is an honor to represent San Francisco.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
My mother always taught me to be Beautiful. I can easily finger the back buttons of a dress into an orderly manner without a struggle. I was told to brush my hair 50 strokes on each side every day to keep it healthy. I was lectured repeatedly to mind my manners, chin up, back straight, hands folded, legs crossed, hair done in a do, when we were in company of a family friend or relative. I hardly had any toys growing up. She encouraged reading. So I indulged myself in books and writing. (I believe she did this in part because my dad was always after us to learn sports) I was reminded that education was the most important thing for me and my future and that if I wanted to be anyone I desired, education would lead me there. So the more I poured myself over books. Then she would remind me to not forget to be beautiful. I would be reading a novel in my hand, immensely deep into the other world it presented to me. I would be lounging on my four poster bed, curtains open, with just me and my book. So many times she would walk in with a new product she had bought just to show me and to see if I liked it. They say I am the epitome of my mother.
When I was little, after school, she sent me to cotillion classes. Cheerleading. Then it was the American Conservatory Theater, Young Conservatory, where I remained. I took up assisting instructors and where I was taught by mentors how to make my love of writing and the arts beautiful. My extra curricular activities were first criticized by her before I was allowed to do them. After class, she would pick me up and sometimes we would go window shopping. But window shopping always turned into buying something. I would wait in front of the dressing rooms at Maloufs in Burlingame while she "needed" another designer suit, or The Grocery Store or Susans because she didn't have enough black in her wardrobe for the season. She would find the most amazing pieces of clothing for up to 70% off.
She surrounded me with high end restaurants, black tie fundraisers of San Francisco and the bay area, 4 star hotels, designers with names I had difficulty pronouncing, urged me to travel the world just like she had, to never let my studies falter, and introduced me to cosmetics as a tool used to enhance beauty not something to cover it up.
So today, we found ourselves in the Macy's at Union Square. A must see stop by, Macy's Union Square, San Francisco stands as the 4th largest department store in the world right after Harrods of Europe. The new Chanel line, Aqualumiere Gloss, had just recently launched earlier this month and she had made up her mind to select what she desired from that collection. (as well as anything else that had caught her eye) We played with her shades of pinks and oranges and reds while I beckoned her away from those three and into some peaches or neutrals... which didn't last long before she went back to her favorites. After that. Then it was Barneys. Then it was Saks. Then it would've been Nordstrom before my sister and I attacked her to go back to Macy's so we could have dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.
A regular city spot, of course the night was packed full of mothers. We took a booth next to the window almost automatically putting the menus down, already knowing what to order. My party enjoyed cocktails while I sipped on hot black tea. (I have some studying to do tonight) We talked about the buildings of the city and which ones we haven't gone in in awhile, which ones we've worked in, and whats still around. We exchanged what was going on in our lives, encouraging and teasing one another. My mother conversed with us in Tagalog in the way only her class can do. It doesn't sound broken or choppy or ugly. When she talks in the language, it sounds exquisite, a dialect where I can see it is known as a romance language. Talking with her hands and over exaggerrating a story, she takes advantage of the days when the attention is on her. That beautiful language rolling off her tongue, yearning for me to learn my culture's native way of words. We ended the night with one slice of cheesecake between the 5 of us, being too full to order even 2. And of course, with a cup of the Cheesecake Factory Coffee.
I rode back home with my mother and daddy while Micheal Buble played into our ears. Everything positive about me is the effect in some way of my mother. My mentality to be independent, my stubbornness to never settle for less, and my hard driven skill that leads to aggressiveness, I believe comes from her lessons in some way. I was raised to be a lady. Not to just act like a lady. I know my fashion sense, because yes, I was raised to believe that appearance is important. I know to never stop learning. In this time, I read my books usually cuddled against the side of a couch, with a long sweatshirt on, coffee in hand, hair brushed 50 times on each side, and legs crossed sideways while I lounge. She still comes in and shows me her new material things or what she heard today, and I listen and enjoy the company for a bit before she starts pushing me to get back to studying. I am molded into what I am, because of that woman. She's raised me to be beautiful. In all the love and sacrifice shes given, she's raised me beautifully.
Happy mothers day, Mommy.
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